There are certain things you can do without on a Saturday afternoon. Sitting in a big open stand with a cold wind blowing right into your face is one. Watching your team display not even the slightest hint of understanding the fundamental concept of getting tight on your man when defending is another. Having a group of schoolkids singing "you’re not very good" and "can we play you every week?" is also irritating in the extreme. Yes, all of these were in evidence on Saturday at the Abbey Stadium. But, as bad as all that may sound, there was something distinctly worse to ruin the afternoon’s "entertainment".

When you enter a football ground there are certain things you’re not allowed to take in. Some are obvious, for example, knives, bottles and flares. Others are less obvious and only become apparent when the man or woman in the fluorescent yellow or orange jacket tells you so. Falling into this category are bottles of water at the Mem and suntan lotion at the Stade Velodrome in Marseille (which is a blinding one when it’s ninety degrees in a completely open stadium when you’re watching England v Tunisia in the World Cup). On top of all that there are extensive ground regulations which prohibit all sorts of anti-social behaviour.

Presumably the aim of all these measures is to ensure spectator safety and to try and make certain that everyone has as pleasant an afternoon out as their team’s performance will allow. So can anyone explain to me why some tosser is allowed to bring a bloody great drum into a ground and bang it all afternoon in amongst the aforementioned schoolkids under the guise of "enhancing" the atmosphere at the Abbey Stadium?

You may have guessed that I have a pathological hatred of bands, drums and any other artificial form of atmosphere enhancement (if that’s what you can call it) at football. It’s simply not necessary. One of the many beauties of football is the passion that it generates in people, which is reflected in the chants and songs and the general atmosphere at games. In every country around the world (and often in different parts of the same country) this passion and atmosphere comes out in a different way and reflects the cultures of the different countries. It’s a great thing and something which we should celebrate. English football is famous the world over for its atmosphere, so why the hell are we seeking to Americanise/Australianise it by introducing gimmicks? To me the introduction of drummers and bands is all part of a very slippery slope. Do you notice how these drums and bands always seem to come hand-in-hand with "dedicated singing sections"? NO! Every part of the ground should be a bloody singing section, that’s how you get a bloody atmosphere going. Next thing you know they’ll be bringing in Quiet zones like they do on the trains.

Saturday was the first time I’d been to Cambridge since the new away stand had been built. Prior to that a lot of their support used to mass in a rickety old shed behind the goal and they used to generate a good amount of noise. Now some of that support seems to have migrated down the side and one section – the one with the drummer and the kids – looked ominously like a singing section. Fair play to the old guard who have stayed behind the goal and regularly serenaded their fellow supporters down the side with choruses of "you’re just a bunch of w**kers". Quite right.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the slippery slope. Bands and drummers. Singing sections. And of course the dreadful playing of songs after goals, which was also in evidence at the Abbey Stadium on Saturday. Is this what it has come to? Having to pipe out music when a goal goes in? The roar of the crowd when the ball goes into the net is great, you shouldn’t need to add anything. The day we have to is the day English football dies a sorry death and admits that the prawn sandwich brigade have finally taken over from the real fans.