EPISODE SEVEN: THE ANNIVERSARY

by Edward Teach

This week finds Basil worrying frantically about his anniversary of wedded bliss with Sybil. It has been almost a year since they came together and his efforts to impress Sybil with a huge slap up feast come May are as likely Terry the Chef failing to scoop the hotel of the year award. Even the side serving of shrimps looks like it will give him and his guests a bad dose of food poisoning. The next corpse in the hotel could well turn out to be his own so he tries to divert attention by ranting about sacking staff.

Altogether this has left Sybil fuming and storming off leaving Basil to entertain his guests alone. In order to save face he gets Polly to dress up in a long camel hair coat and shades to pass her off as Sybil and hope that as many guests as possible will return in the summer.

Even Miss Gatsby and Miss Tibbs have gone AWOL. Miss Tibbs embarking on an exotic stay in a swanky hotel in Rome and Miss Gatsby departing half way through the day's main course to slay her woes with ample units of alcohol. They both worry about Basil constantly and can see him unravelling like one of their balls of wool as they knit themselves a nice blanket to snooze under.

The hotel inspectors still loom large in Basil's dizzy mind, so unconvinced was he with their demands upon him and his regular staff last week. The question hangs in the air around Basil like one of Miss Gatsby's lager induced wind experiences: Are they really hotel inspectors or just spoon sailsmen? If it is indeed the latter, as seems to be the case, Basil may buy himself a nice big serving spoon to give Manuel a clout on the head.

So bothered by his increasing problems Basil has finally come down from the roof. One rant too many and O'Reilly is waiting in the wings to patch up the Basil shaped hole as he crashed through the flimsy timbers and onto the green room floor. But despite his animated antics the staff still served up a depressing dirge of second rate grub and the moose fell gracelessly off the wall. Most of the staff are a little digruntled that it didn't crack Basil on the head on its way down.